You’ve had the insight. You know the pattern. But acting differently still feels like walking in shoes that don’t quite fit.

That’s what I call Push Me, Pull Me.

It’s the awkward, powerful, and often overlooked stage of change, the messy middle where transformation is happening, even when it feels like it isn’t.

At Paseda360, we don’t skip this part. In fact, it’s where much of the real work begins.

The Myth of the Instant Shift

Most people think transformation happens like a light switch. One moment you’re stuck. The next you’re not.
You get the insight, feel the power of clarity, and expect yourself to act on it straight away.

But real change doesn’t work like that.
Not when it’s deep. Not when it’s about your identity, your self-worth, or the safety you’ve learned to protect.

Because chances are, the pattern you’re trying to shift didn’t start last month.
It started in childhood, maybe even before you can remember.

Why Old Loops Run Deep

We all develop strategies for safety as kids.
Some of us learned to stay quiet. Others learned to be good, or helpful, or invisible.
Some took on the role of the fixer, the achiever, the one who keeps it all together.

These strategies form what I call “old loops” – wired patterns in the nervous system that help you survive, belong, or feel enough.

And they work. Until they don’t.

As adults, these loops show up in ways that hold us back:

🟢 Saying yes when we mean no.
🟢 Staying silent when we have something valuable to say.
🟢 Shrinking around authority or conflict.
🟢 Apologising for existing.
🟢 Overthinking, overdoing, overgiving.

They become so automatic, we don’t even realise they’re optional.

Until we do.

The “Aha” Moment Isn’t Enough

Coaching can be powerful.
It helps you name the loop.
Trace it back.
Understand why it formed.
And recognise how it shows up now.

That awareness can feel like a light being switched on.

But, and this is important, awareness isn’t the same as embodiment.

Just because you see the pattern doesn’t mean you’re ready to act differently.
And that’s where most people feel stuck.
Not because they’re getting it wrong.
But because they’ve finally started doing it right.

This is Push Me, Pull Me.

What Push Me, Pull Me Feels Like

It’s the back-and-forth between the old way and the new.

🟢 One day you speak up in a meeting, clearly, confidently, with your full voice.
🟢 The next, you freeze, and walk away feeling frustrated with yourself.
🟢 Then you overshoot, maybe saying too much, too fast, too forcefully.
🟢 Or you second-guess yourself and try again later, differently this time.

It can feel chaotic. Like progress one minute, regression the next.

But it’s not chaos.
It’s recalibration.

Your nervous system is learning.
Your identity is catching up.
Your safety system is being gently reprogrammed.

And that takes time.

Overshooting: When the Pendulum Swings

One of the most common things I see during Push Me, Pull Me is what I call overshooting.

It happens when you try to break a long-standing loop, but don’t yet have solid footing in the new way.

So instead of staying silent, you speak, but maybe too loudly, or with a wobble, or in a way that feels “off.”

Instead of blending in, you stand out, but it feels raw, unpractised, vulnerable.

And then comes the inner critic:

“That wasn’t like you.”
“You looked emotional.”
“You made it awkward.”

But this isn’t failure.
It’s part of the rewiring.

The overshoot is your nervous system saying:
“I’m trying. I just haven’t landed yet.”

Why Most People Quit Here

This middle stretch is the bit people aren’t prepared for.
It’s not glamorous.
It’s not shareable.
It doesn’t always feel like progress.

So people think:

🟢 “I should be over this by now.”
🟢 “Maybe I’m not cut out for this.”
🟢 “It’s too hard.”
🟢 “Nothing’s changing.”

But the truth is: everything is changing.

It’s just happening under the surface.

This is why I don’t believe in “quick transformations.”
Because they bypass the part that actually builds lasting change.

The part where you unlearn what kept you safe.
The part where you experiment with new responses.
The part where you build a new self-trust muscle, one interaction at a time.

Honouring the Middle

At Paseda360, our coaching journey is built to honour every part of the process:

🟢 Stop Being Stuck – You meet yourself with honesty. You uncover the old loops. You see what’s holding you back.
🟢 Find the Real You – You learn to regulate. To let go of the mask. To walk the messy middle of Push Me, Pull Me with compassion and courage.
🟢 Create a Life You’ll Love – You start to live differently. Choose differently. Say yes to yourself more often.
🟢 Flourish – You integrate. You become who you already were beneath it all, with strength, softness, and clarity.

Most coaching programmes focus on clarity and action.
We focus on identity, self-trust, and rewiring.

Because without those, the clarity fades and the action doesn’t stick.

What Makes Change Stick

Here’s what I’ve learned from hundreds of clients:

Change sticks when it’s:

🟢 Practised, not performed
🟢 Grounded in safety, not pressure
🟢 Supported by structure, not hustle
🟢 Guided by compassion, not perfectionism

And above all, change sticks when you’re allowed to wobble.

To move forward, fall back, and come forward again.

To explore the edges of who you’re becoming, without shame.

To be in process, not performing a final result.

This Is the Work That Matters

Push Me, Pull Me isn’t a detour.
It’s the path.

And if you’re in it now, I want you to know this:

You’re not broken.
You’re not going backwards.
You’re becoming.

Bit by bit. Moment by moment. Loop by loop.

And eventually, the push-and-pull becomes a steady step.
Your nervous system learns that it’s safe to show up differently.
Your identity shifts.
Your confidence stops needing proof.
And the real you, not the adapted you, gets to lead.

Want support while you walk through this middle?
That’s what we do. Whether you’re ready to begin your own journey or you’re a coach who wants to walk this with others, Paseda360 was built for this.

🟢 1:1 Coaching with a Paseda coach – [Explore directory]
🟢 Train With Us – [Learn more about our accredited coach training]

Because real change doesn’t skip the middle.
It moves through it, with backbone, heart, and practice.